Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
