EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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