Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
