you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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