Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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