it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
