Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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