When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
