She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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