let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
