you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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