She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
