new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
MIDGETS
????
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
