Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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