Just fell off a train. Bad.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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