oh god the rape fog is back!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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