i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
