How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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