who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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