did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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