Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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