She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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