he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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