I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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