But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
