a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize