I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
