He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
