If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
