Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize