My friends, they love my intelligence
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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