your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
