Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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