im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
