Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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