I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
