if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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