You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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