Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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