Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
