Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
