Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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