I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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