i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
