She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize