I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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