I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
