I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
