This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize