just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
