Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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