just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
