ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
