I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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