My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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