Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
