omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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