I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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