Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
