You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
