i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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