Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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