This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
