There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize