not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
