so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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