We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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