I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize