dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
