I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
