My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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