I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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