The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All the doctor said was why
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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