i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
two words...techno handjob
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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