So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
