Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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