The maid of honor just puked.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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